Gallery can be found here

How, in a few lines of text, can I hope to sum up all of my sensations, physical and emotional processes, and the sum of my life’s experience up to this one moment in time in such a way as to have have any real meaning to anyone but myself? I say to you that I cannot! Try as one might all you will be left with, ultimately, is a pallid recounting of events. The menu and not the meal.

Given this, and it is something which must be decided upon by you, what are these small windows into our daily lives meant to convey? I pose that they are merely cries for attention. One would suppose that we are only posting them to have someone read them. What a horrible waste of time it would be if we had to write all of our thoughts in addition to thinking them.

Now these are benign cries to be sure, but they all pose the dilemma to the reader which is: “What am I supposed to DO with this?” Do I respond with words of sympathy, or congratulations, or derision? How can we decide the proper course of action with so little evidence to go on? So we are left only with our prior knowledge of them as a person to help us decide how they want us to respond. The only real answer must naturally reside with the writer. In short, you want attention.

Of course, so do I by posting this note. And so the vicious circle of life is complete!

This is fine, I understand completely. However, in this I have given up trying to share any of my particular moments in time excepting that I will occasionally post nonsense, with my desire being that it will make you cock your head to one side and/or ignore me. In turn I shall respond to yours basing the entirety of my response on the predication that I want you to think I care, even when I don’t. Honestly, how can I when I cannot possibly know what you really mean, or what you want from me? So then that would be the attention I am crying for.

Then when all of this becomes dull, as it ultimately must, I’ll delete my account and move on to some other venue. As is my usual habit.

The city man’s mind went to work immediately. The fishing spot was a gold mine, and a serious fishing business would thrive in the area. “Why are you so stupid?” he asked the fisherman. “Get some boats, hire some extra hands, and in a few years you will turn your little shop into a million-dollar business!”

The local man asked him. “And what would you do once you had the million dollars?”

The city man stared back blankly. “Why, I would have so much free time I could sit around in the sun all day and drink beer!”

Indian instead of Asian rice was the key. My personal kick is to combine sides that make me trade off between one taste and another when one gets bland. “Soup, mmm. Oh, hey rice, sup? New mmm. Cauliflower, I wish I could quit you! New mmm.” and repeat.

“And so is swinging through trees on your tail. Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.”

A Cool and Logical Analysis of the Bicycle Menace – P.J. O’Rourke

Care

1. Under no circumstances should you attempt to speak to your Spiritdog before it has had its first smoke of the morning.

2. Despite outward appearances, Spiritdogs require constant human touch and frequent petting.

3. Do not tease your Spiritdog unless prepared to follow through.

4. Never mention a computer problem unless you actually WANT it to be fixed.

5. Do not gripe to your Spiritdog about your troubles without expecting a response or advice. This caveat aside, Spiritdogs love to listen.

6. Never assume you know how your Spiritdog is going to react to what you say. Often it will surprise you with its openness. Spiritdog Mark V models are rarely shocked, unlike those twitchy Cyberdine Systems A/2′s.

7. Spiritdogs operate best within a thermal range of 60°F to 105°F. Operating your Spiritdog outside of this range may induce unwanted grumpiness leading to excessive pouting and foot stomping.

8. While a Spiritdog has the physical structure of a canine, it in fact is allergic to carbon based dogs and views most with a suspicion bordering on derision.

9. Should you, for some unfathomable reason, feel the need to own another pet, a cat is acceptable. Warning!: Spiritdogs develop unnatural bonds with kittens.

Feeding

1. Three daily doses of espresso are required to keep your Spiritdog from flipping the f*ck out.

2. Spiritdogs are allergic to dairy, walnuts, and coconut. This is not a cause to lament or fret in front of your Spiritdog should your meal contain these ingredients. Simply warn it, and move on.

3. Offering red wine and dark chocolate is a sure way to goad your Spiritdog to perform embarrassing tricks.

4. Offering sushi to your Spiritdog will cause paroxysms and suggestive writhing, this is perfectly normal and is considered cute by some owners.

5. Never, ever, attempt to take a bowl of hummus from your Spiritdog. At the very least you will be mauled.